Mahna Mahna!

My sister and I have been singing the song from the Muppets all week -- the one that starts off with the guy bellowing, "Mahna Mahna!" So I resolved to search it on youtube and see the original.

"How are you going to find it?" she asked. "By searching for 'mahna mahna'?"

"Sure," I said. And lo and behold, when I started typing "muppets", youtube offered me a variety of options, the second of which was "muppets mahna mahna". So without further ado, here's "Mahna Mahna".

For Friday: It is to laugh

For your Halloween viewing pleasure

Here's a little scooby snack for you. Ruh-roh!



And they might have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those darn kids.

Not exactly...

We had a long hard week last week, and the coming one doesn't look to be any lighter. Working late, meetings, dentist appointments, checkups, the baby's toe turning black (his own fault) -- lots going on here. But still, it isn't exactly brain surgery.



Thank you, thank you, CMinor, for introducing us to Mitchell and Webb.

Pride and Prejudice Night Fever

For your weekend cultural edification, I present a meditation on class and disco:

[Language warning]

With many thanks to CMinor.

Or if all that is far too high class and British for you, you can always turn to the madcap antics of Auto-Tune The News:

Death of Autotune?

TJR sent this to us a while ago, and by the miracle of random clickage on youtube, we found it again this evening. Enjoy?



"Okay, that was... painful..."

A Grete Loathesome Vampyre

Gentils all, yt doth give me grete pleasure to note that Geoffry Chaucer doth blog once more. Geoff hath been occupied of late, as haue many a wyffe and damsel, with the readinge of the teenage sparklie vampyre romaunce, the Vespers series.

The oonly thyng that semeth to plese Philippa thes dayes are thos large bookes of teenage sparklie vampyre romaunce, so ich decyded to reade oon of them.

And knowe ye what, lordinges? Yt was actuallie pretty decent.

Sure, the prose kynd of maketh Dives et Pauper look lyk George Orwelle, but the storie pulleth me yn. Yt maketh me feele lyk Ich am XVtene agayne and “Just Lyk Hevene” hath come upon the radio. Once a goth, alweys a goth (Ich am talkinge to you, Spain).

In this fyne book of sparklie vampyres, Bella Cygne moveth from Essex to Yorkshyre to lyve with her fathir, who ys a sheriff and escheator. At a scole ful of recentlie coyned stereotypes, she witnesseth the fayre skyn and fashion-sprede slow-mocioun hotenesse of the Cu Chulainn clan, the which have all eaten long ago of the magical Irisshe Salmon of Really Good Hair (oon byte of this magical salmon and ye shal have good hair for evir). Aftir Bella doth see the hottest of the clan, Edward, stop a wagon wyth hys bare handes, fight off twentie churles, and brood so much he did make Angel look lyk Mister Rogeres, she doth realise that the Cu Chulainns are vampyres. But they are good vampyres, who drinke wyne. Ther is considerablie moore sexual tensioun than in Piers Plowman.

Geoff stoppeth not at Vespers, but proceedeth to rede Compline and Matins. Ich haue muchel curiosity as to the title of book quatre of the series. Is it yclept Prime, or doth Dame Meyers cut straight to the chase and give thys book the nomination Sext?

Forsooth, it almost maketh me desire to rede of this sparklie book Vespers. Almost.

Also: Geoffrey Chaucer giveth thanks for the complimentes of hys good rederes, but is much put out by an interrupcioun from a jakke-asse yclept Quanje Weste.

Tonight at Eight

Nobody try to call me tonight; I'm going to be watching TV with Dr. Boli.

Northern Broadcasting System: Stones of the City (crime drama). This latest entry in the vampire-building-inspector genre follows the adventures of Sam Ionescu, inspector for the city of Washington (Penna.). Tonight: When an article in the local weekly points him out as a suspected vampire, Sam finds himself mobbed by teenage girls wherever he goes.

Metromedia: Al ’n’ Me (comedy). The wacky adventures of best buddies Alexander and Hephaestion as they look for new worlds to conquer. Tonight: Hephaestion tries to sneak in a few conquests of his own on the side. But what will happen when Alexander finds out?

Who says there's nothing good on the tube?

Disappointed Horse

As you contemplate the end of your weekend, you might want:

Dinsdale!

Some of the greatest tv news coverage ever: Monty Python's documentary on the Piranha brothers, Doug and Dinsdale.




But for those pressed for time, here's the money quote:

It Could Happen To Anyone

Here's something light for your Friday. We all knew what sort of guy French president Nicholas Sarkozy is, but few realized that our own president has similar aesthetic sensibilities.

Some are loudly mocking Obama for this. I'd say give the guy a break.

The king is but a man, as I am: the violet smells to him as it doth to me: the element shows to him as it doth to me; all his senses have but human conditions:

Presidents are a lower species than kings, but the principle applies. And we must recall that the wisdom of the American people has given us a president who hasn't yet had the years of practice in checking out passing babes without allowing it to be obvious to the camera. Give it some time, and when his senses kick in with human conditions as the element shows to him, he'll gaze upon it with the same cool aplomb as Sarkozy.

Lamentations of the Father

This has, of course, made the rounds numerous times (in fact I think I've posted it before), but unlike other forwards, it gets funnier each time I see it. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I say the same damn things all day long.

UPDATE: Hear Ian Frazier read this piece on The Prairie Home Companion -- scroll down to 28:48)

'Lamentations of the Father'
by Ian Frazier

Laws of Forbidden Places

Of the beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room.

Of the juices and other beverages, yea, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink. But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table

And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as it were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination unto me. Yea, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke.

Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you shall be sent away.

When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck: for you shall be sent away.

When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister hath done the same to you.

Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is.

And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that,that is why.

Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert

For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert.

But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert.

But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof.

And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming

Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.

Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat it myself, yet shall not surely die.

Concerning Face and Hands

Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon.

And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see.

Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances

Bite not, lest you be also bitten again. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of the bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, not against any building; nor eat sand.

Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not the humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you shall drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

H/T to an email from Mrs. Big Tex.

Fractured Fairy Tales: Cinderella

Courtesy of Rocky and Bullwinkle comes my favorite version of Cinderella:



(Cinderella starts at 5:00, but you'll enjoy The Frog Prince as well, so you might as well see the whole thing.)

I particularly love the prince and Frobisher and the "royal sock".

Prince: My fortune runs to six figures!
Frobisher: Yes, sire, but they're all zeros.

Afternoon Delight

In honor of Gov. Sanford, whose idea of ending an affair involves thinking that no one would notice if he just slipped off to Argentina for a week ("Hi, dear, I'm back! I've publicly humiliated you and our family, I've ruined my political career by thinking I was so untouchable that I could vanish for a week without consequences, but I did it all to end an affair so we could save our marriage! Let the healing begin!"), this meditation on love from the master, Ron Burgundy.



I bet that Gov. Sanford's friends also think he's insane.

Homer Nods

Woe, woe betide any foolish freshman, who, too lazy to do the work for the survey course, rents Troy so as not to have to read the Iliad.



My summary: EPIC FAIL, in so many ways.

(Spit take warning here -- Darwin and I both sat up and said, "What the flip?")

Getcher Gun

Darwin is down at the shooting range this evening, so I take this opportunity to present Donald Duck plying his gun.



This is cute, but watch for the in-joke at 2:37.

Kindly do not outsource the needful

Oh you guys, this is why we should not rely on the University of Google to supply us with knowledge. Here's a result from a google search on an NFP question:

after 5 and a partly days of bleeding browny red stuff (light, used panty liners) will i ovulate? i missed two pills thats why i get this bleeding.
i hold cramps at the moment but the bleeding have stopped.
what are the likelihood of me person pregnant if i have unprotected sex past i missed my pills?
Answers:
It is concrete to utter exactly if you will ovulate and if you will obtain pregnant. The solitary point specifically for sure is that here is no track to know for sure. It is possible that you will ovulate and you could attain pregnant. In adjectives prospect, you probably will not, but it would be best to use a backup method until you are through your subsequent cycle.

I am almost ashamed to admit how Darwin and I howled. Running health info through a translator may not lead to accurate information, but it's right up there with the high comedy.

Spartans on a Plane

And now, for your TGIF delectation: United 300.



Having recently seen 300, I have to say that this is just funny. Beverages, monitor -- you know the drill.

And now for something completely different...

The Nietzsche Family Circus:

Believe me! The secret of reaping the

greatest fruitfulness and the greatest
enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!

Apocolocyntosis, Web Style

An enterprising reader has showcased his design skills by giving the Vatican website a facelift based on the new Obamafied White House website.

As he said: It's easy to bring the Obama marketing look to the Vatican website -- but if only the Vatican's morals could somehow be brought to the Obama administration.