Family Investing Tips

When it comes to family, investment is includes more than just money. Family investing also involves anything intended to benefit a family's well being over time. Such investments add value to family life, family quality of living, and standard of living. In order to invest in family and/or for family one can benefit from considering how one invests, in addition to what and where one invests to maximize return on investment. This pertains to monetary and non-monetary investments.

• Choosing an investment

If one tries to invest too much or too little, one could burn out, run out of resources, not put enough into a family etc. For example, putting too much money into a 529 college savings plan may limit the growth opportunity afforded by less savings orientated asset allocations. In such case, at an early age financial instruments such individual retirement accounts and life insurance policies can be low cost and have long term benefits for parents and children.

In terms of non-monetary investments, choosing an investment one is able to reasonably make with a little more than what one usually does is a good place to start. For example, if one is a loving person, love is then an asset that is in good supply. The extra love one has can be reinvested in family to help them learn about love and grow love of their own. The same and similar principles hold true for other investment categories. Of course love alone does not necessarily make the world go around.

• Be willing to lose on the investment

Not all investments succeed or make money, this is a fact one should be fully aware of before investing anything whether it be time, money, energy, goodwill etc. Knowing how to deal with a negative investment and what to do when an investment goes down in value is just as important as any other part of investing.

Risk management is thus an important aspect of managing family investing i.e. not betting the farm on a high risk investment is generally a good idea. In terms of love, if one's love is continually invested over time with absolutely no return the investment may still not be a loss because 1) Love is free, and 2) Love can take years for the value of love to be realized. In such cases adjusting one's investment plan to include tough love may be helpful.

• Use an investment strategy

All good investors use tactics and strategies of one kind or another. The importance of strategy is highlighted by changes in market and economic conditions over time. As the financial landscape changes, it can be helpful if family investments change along with it to adapt to the new financial circumstances. This can help optimize investment performance.

• The big family investments

Often, the largest investments people make are the one's that deplete one's own resources the most. These investments are potentially the biggest sacrifices especially if they don't return a positive yield. Some of largest non-monetary investments family members and parents make include time, money and energy. These are investments because they can help a child grow with experience, knowledge and wisdom that parents offer them.

• Other non-monetary family investments

Time, money and energy wouldn't be complete without refining how they are allocated. For example, one could invest a lot of time doing nothing with a family member but that wouldn't exactly be productive other than in terms of companionship. Optimizing time, money and energy involves fine tuning the big investments into smaller investments. Some of these smaller investments include understanding, effort and love.

Summary

Family investing is more than just a monetary investment plan as family is about learning, growing, experiencing, becoming, changing and so many other important things. Investing in a family is something that is done with the risk of losing it all as with many investments. If one uses a good investment strategy and tactics however, this can lower the risk of both financial and other investments in and for family.

Family investing is a good thing, but it is important to keep in mind to successfully invest in family takes resources that one may or may not have or be willing to sacrifice. With a willingness to invest and invest wisely one can start by investing a little and then with time investing more for potentially greater returns.

And Then There Were Five

We attempt to make up for the lack of substantive posts lately by letting the world in on a discovery that we made some weeks ago: we have one more child than we had hitherto suspected. How exactly this new addition crept into the family without our knowledge I cannot say, but he/she is certainly welcome and encouraged to get bigger soon so that he can be tasked with picking up toys and such along with the other offspring.

Asked how she felt about these developments, MrsDarwin (who proved to have been concealing the new addition from the rest of the family, unbeknownst even to herself) responded, "Tired."

Happy birthday to the best sister ever (except for my other sister)

In honor of my sister Elizabeth's birthday, here's the gist of the mostly-impromptu toast I offered at her wedding along with my younger sister Anna (we divvied up duties as the matron and maid of honor):

As I look around at everyone having a great time at the reception, I'm so impressed at how Elizabeth organized this whole wedding. All the organizational skills in our family, those genes bypassed me and went straight to Elizabeth, and there was nothing left over for Anna.

As I watched Elizabeth tonight on the altar, praying during her wedding ceremony, it struck me for the first time: she's not just my little sister anymore. She's a mature, gentle, gracious woman, fully capable of planning out almost every detail of this beautiful wedding, and she'll be a wonderful, loving wife to Eric. And a wonderful mother to my future nieces and nephews, of whom I expect plenty.

Novena for Order, Day 1

I've been feeling lately the lack of order in my life, from the stresses of homeschooling to the stresses of a messy house. How unordered am I? I'd meant to start this novena on Friday, but couldn't find time to get around to it.

I'm praying St. Thomas Aquinas' Prayer for Ordering a Life Wisely, found in The Aquinas Prayer Book from Sophia Institute Press. It's well worth having; the Prayer for the Forgiveness of Sins is perfect while waiting in line for confession.

For Ordering a Life Wisely
St. Thomas Aquinas

O merciful God, grant that I may
desire ardently,
search prudently,
recognize truly,
and bring to perfect completion
whatever is pleasing to You
for the praise and glory of Your name.

Put my life in good order, O my God

Grant that I may know
what You require me to do.

Bestow upon me
the power to accomplish your will,
as is necessary and fitting
for the salvation of my soul.

Grant to me, O Lord my God,
that I may not falter in times
of prosperity or adversity,
so that I may not be exalted in the former,
nor dejected in the latter.

May I not rejoice in anything
unless it leads me to You;
may I not be saddened by anything
unless it turns me from You.

May I desire to please no one,
nor fear to displease anyone,
but You.

May all transitory things, O Lord,
be worthless to me
and may all things eternal
be ever cherished by me.

May any joy without You
be burdensome for me
and may I not desire anything else
besides You.

May all work, O Lord
delight me when done for Your sake.
and may all repose not centered in You
be ever wearisome for me.

Grant unto me, my God,
that I may direct my heart to You
and that in my failures
I may ever feel remorse for my sins
and never lose the resolve to change.

O Lord my God, make me
submissive without protest,
poor without discouragement,
chaste without regret,
patient without complaint,
humble without posturing,
cheerful without frivolity,
mature without gloom,
and quick-witted without flippancy.

O Lord my God, let me
fear You without losing hope,
be truthful without guile,
do good works without presumption,
rebuke my neighbor without haughtiness,
and -- without hypocrisy --
strengthen him by word and example.

Give to me, O Lord God,
a watchful heart,
which no capricious thought
can lure away from You.

Give to me,
a noble heart,
which no unworthy desire can debase.

Give to me
a resolute heart,
which no evil intention can divert.

Give to me
a stalwart heart,
which no tribulation can overcome.

Give to me
a temperate heart,
which no violent passion can enslave.

Give to me, O Lord my God,
understanding of You,
diligence in seeking You,
wisdom in finding You,
discourse ever pleasing to You,
perseverance in waiting for You,
and confidence in finally embracing You.

Grant
that with Your hardships
I may be burdened in reparation here,
that Your benefits
I may use in gratitude upon the way,
that in Your joys
I may delight by glorifying You
in the Kingdom of Heaven.

You Who live and reign,
God, world without end.

Amen.

translation by Robert Anderson and Johann Moser

Intimations of Mortality

We all know it, of course, but lately I've been confronted with the fact that life may end suddenly, at any stage. This past week, an old friend dropped dead of a heart attack at age 30. And yesterday, my 15-year-old brother was walking to the bus from school when some guy came out of a parking lot, pulled a gun on him, and demanded his backpack. Fortunately my brother was unharmed and the most important thing that was lost was his American History textbook (he had his cell phone, his iPod, and his wallet in his pockets), but WHAT THE HECK? This crazy person might have killed my brother over a bag of schoolbooks. A brother, a son, a friend, and an all-around good guy might have been lost to the world for the sake of the few items someone thought a schoolkid would carry.

My brother is taking it all in good stride, though he was understandably shaken. I'm full of gratitude today that the people I love are alive and unharmed, which seems a bit less certain than it did yesterday morning.

The myth of "What's one more?"

Jumping off Darwin's post about whether "planning" is a dirty word: I've been thinking a lot lately about the myth of "What's one more?"

Some of you may have invoked this phrase as conversational protection. Someone makes a comment about the number of kids you have (or the one you're expecting), and you smile cheerfully and say, "Well, at this point, what's one more?" Short and pithy, this defense is intended to show that you're open to life, children are great, and that three aren't that much more difficult than two, four aren't that much more difficult than three, etc.

The trouble is, it's not exactly true. Here at chez Darwin, we're finding that four is a lot more than three. Baby's a treat; he's not that demanding (though he likes to be held most of the time) and he's at that delightfully gurgly three-month stage. But the addition of a baby changes the dynamic of the household, and highlights the behaviors of the under-7 crowd that are now more difficult to manage. It seemed like we were just getting to a point where everything was becoming manageable, but throw a newborn who needs the constant attention of one adult into the mix and suddenly all the parameters have shifted to some unknown point.

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that -- except that since large families run against the cultural paradigm, it puts those parents into a constant propagandizing mode. In an arena in which most (though not all) families are consciously limited, the decision not to limit your family (or even proclaim a particular number as "it") stands out. Catholic parents don't want to seem as if we're participating in a contraceptive or limiting mentality, and so reflexively spin our answers to intrusive questions as positively as possible. (My current response to the "Are you done?" question is, "But every boy needs a brother!")

The truth is that families who have many children close together are taking the harder path. I don't use the phrase "choose", since not all parents who have children close together necessarily plan to do so. (We certainly didn't plan to have our first two so close.) Frankly, four seems as much as I can handle right now, though I expect that in the future I'll feel differently. For now, though, one more is an awful lot, and I won't make excuses for that-- in this friendly forum, anyway.

Is "Planned" a Dirty Word for Catholics?

Taking a quiet Saturday morning to catch up on reading the newspaper, I was perusing a WSJ article on the lost virtue of prudence in our modern American society when I came across this jarring note:

The puzzling thing is that, under normal circumstances, our Americanus prudens should be flourishing. By looking ahead and exercising self-control, these unassuming homebodies tend to do well in school, form solid families and make lots of money -- which they compulsively save, tucking it away in banks or mutual funds (once-sturdy institutions recently found by scientists to be hollow). The prudent have only the children they can afford -- prudential parenthood is inevitably planned -- but these offspring tend to thrive thanks to a stable home environment in which education is emphasized.

This threw me because the most financially prudent people I know at work are those with single incomes and large families -- while the most imprudent are generally DINKs who take several packaged vacations a year and insist that pet insurance is so expensive on their treasured dogs that they can't imagine how they could possibly afford to have children on a combined income of a mere 200k+ a year.

And yet, as I think about it, it's not that I think prudence plays no role in one's decisions about having children, but rather that I have a strong immediate reaction against ever discussing having a child as being "planned" or otherwise with anyone other than other committed Catholics I already know to share my beliefs about the nature of sexuality and marriage.

By chance I'd had a conversation with a young co-worker a few days before that had thrown this into relief for me.

Coworker (who had just been talking about how her "clock was ticking" but her boyfriend seemed in no hurry to propose): "I can't believe you've got four kids already. Are you guys done?"

Darwin: "Oh, I don't know. Probably not."

Coworker: "Oh my gosh! How many are you going to have?"

Darwin: "We'll just have to see. My wife is the oldest of six, so she's hoping to have a large family."

Coworker: "Are you guys Catholic or something?"

Darwin: "Well, yes."

Coworker: "Oh, okay. That makes sense. I mean, if you think God says you'll go to hell if you use birth control, that would explain having a lot of kids."

Darwin: "Ummmmm..."

Coworker: "I mean, I want to have a large family. But for me, large is four kids. I guess for you guys it's just however many children God sends?"

[pause followed by topic change]

I found myself unable to quickly come up with answers near the end of this conversation because of two conflicting things that I wanted to express yet couldn't think how to reconcile without making the conversation much more long and personal than I would have liked. On the one hand, "just however many children God sends" is not, I think, a very accurate description of married Catholic life as we know it in our family. Certainly, there is an element of being open to whatever happens. The use of NFP is not always exact (or easy), and one can be surprised. And yet, I think there is a valid part for prudence to play for a Catholic married couple. There are serious considerations that a married couple takes into account in regards to finances, the wife's health, and their ability to deal with the kids they already have well. None of this means that one imagines oneself to be in complete control of the situation, but one does try hard (and usually successfully) to do what is best for the family in "planning" when to get pregnant and when to wait.

Not only does "just however many children God sends" not accurately describe the experience of being a Catholic married couple (or our experience, at any rate) but an additional concern is that it doesn't produce a very attractive view of what that Church has to say. (And while many people know that traditional Catholics don't use birth control, few in the outside culture seem to know that modern NFP exists and works.) The teaching, it seems to me, is not at all that one must do no planning and simply wait to see how many children appear, but rather that sex and procreation and intimately connected and that in order to avoid having children one must forgo sex at certain times.

And yet explaining all this, and how it works, is not something that I find myself eager to do with a female co-worker in what started out is a casual cube-to-cube conversation.

"Planning" one's children is something which I (and I think many orthodox Catholics) strongly associate with the contraceptive culture and with explamations of, "Oh my gosh, I couldn't possibly have another. Two is so hard!" And so when asked these questions I generally only feel comfortable with saying something like, "You never know" or "It could happen". Because the only other option involves explaining far more about married Catholic sexuality than I'd really like. And yet, I fear that this inability to discuss the Catholic approach to "planning" (out of hesitation to get into lots of messy details of how NFP works) makes it all the more difficult to spread our understanding of marriage and sexuality to the wider culture. An understanding which society could probably use to hear a bit about.

Best. Thing. Ever.

You guys.



MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED.

Ohio peoples, I'll see you next year.

That is all.

Should have mentioned this at the time...

A few days ago, Sheila Kippley at NFP and More kicked off a series of posts for World Breastfeeding Week by reprinting a piece on contemplation I wrote shortly after my two-year-old was born.